2006-03-15 - 12:08 p.m.

So, a realization and a small achievement:

Realization - whenever I am feeling disappointed in myself I have dreams where my father, or someone else that was an authority figure at some time, appears in the background and has a running monologue of all my faults and flaws throughout the dream, regardless of what the content of the rest of it is.

Small Achievement - the Honda broke on Seth last night and while I first started worrying and tried to think of ways to fix it, I got off the phone with him, took a deep breath, and let it go. He's an adult and he can take care of himself and it's up to him how he handles his job and any problems life throws at him. I can't manage his life for him and I can't worry myself into Anxiety fretting over whether he'll make the best decision or not.
I'm pretty proud of myself for this as it's been hard to ditch my Savior Complex throughout the years, and my baby brother has been one who always brought it to the fore immediately. That whole edler sibling protectiveness. I did it though, and even when it pops in my head it's more of a "I should call and see how he handled it" thing, instead of, "I should call and make sure he doesn't need rescuing or advice."

It's a beautiful day outside. The trees are budding in the courtyard, and I am so ready for Summer to warm me.

ulterior motives - fortune telling